JESSIE'S VEGAS

Today I woke up in pain.  My post-op drains did not only have to stay in my body longer than I hoped, but they are draining out more fluid. So the drains are uncomfortable but I do not want to take my good friend VICODIN as while it helps a little with my pain,  it also makes me notice the dust bunnies in the corners and the toothpaste left in the sink.  Georgia's slobber on the couch makes me want to vomit and I do not even want to step inside my teenager's bathroom to find the devastating mess there! After taking two Vicodin in one day last week, I blocked Dave from my phone for forgetting to buy me MIRALAX. I did not even need it, I just wanted it in case.  In fact, my time on the Vicodin has brought back every trespass, every wrong that has ever crossed my threshold.  Vicodin makes my cup not just half empty, but really just leaves speckles of precipitation in the bottom of that glass AND makes me worry embedded in those small molecules is probably poison....

You know that game we played at kindergarten bday parties  where we were blindfolded,  spun around, and then had to try to pin a tail on some donkey? I was never a fan and felt my belly go in knots and nausea in my throat when the spinning stopped. "Which way is the donkey?"  "What if I pin the tail on the face?"  "Why am I so wobbly? " "Why are people laughing?" " What if I trip and fall down and get hurt?" " What if I cry?" " What if I hurt someone else?" "  Hey, I just came for cake and opening presents anyways! Do I really have to play???" The last few months we have ALL been playing a version of "Pin the Tail on the Donkey", except the name of this game is:  "Wear this mask, lock yourself in your panic room, stop working,  quit socializing, AND take some Imodium so you don't have to wipe your butt so much with a leaf". " Who do I pin this tail on(blame)?...