Mars

We are  planning our daughter's wedding and it is a delight! I just came across my great grandmother's 150 year-old crystal reception glasses and punch bowl set and my eyes got a little misty. "Of course we will use those ,somehow, so grandma Sadie can feel present", I muse to myself. "I know she must be proud of our daughter too." It is not only a wedding we are planning, but a triumph of sorts. A triumph of a soul who has overcome!

In the wake of the tragedy not before even imagined, the loss of twenty  tiny angel souls at the hand of deranged gunman, I must have my say. A part of my heart aches for Adam Lanza's mother. While I am celebrating the wonderful strides we have made with our daughter, Adam's mom  is lying in a coffin, having given up marriage, countless friendships and finally her life, to a neurological disorder that is at epidemic proportions in our times.  

We have all heard the theories that supposedly cause autism. "It is living in a toxic environment", "It is the anti-depressants in the ground-water", "It is milk and gluten allergies". "It is a neurological encephalopathy" AND...my personal favorite..."they are possessed of evil spirits". I have heard all the theories as our two oldest daughters are on the spectrum and a third has Tourette's. I  am getting older and I don't care as much about the causative factors unless they influence a cure. 

 What is truly deplorable is the stigma, inaccessibility to programs and the lack of "what to do", with a special-needs child that suffers from a neurological disorder while in your care . This is a societal issue that has little to do with gun-control. Until our society "wakes up" and actively starts treating this epidemic, there will remain MORE Adam Lanza's and his mother among us. At present, finding out your child has a neurological disorder and then knowing what to do is like being dropped off on Mars with an oxygen tank and a few protein bars.  Friends, sometimes even family, stop coming around to see how things are going, and you certainly have NO idea where to go for more protein bars OR oxygen.

 Before one of my daughters was stable, the violent tantrums were dangerous. However, when a counselor told me I had better prepare myself for the day she would become a sociopath, I fired the counselor and prayed harder. We put this daughter on horses and she benefited from equine therapy as they mirror emotion. We found medication and neurofeedback.  This daughter is now at high school  and a wonderful transformation has taken place! She hugs me everyday and she says thank you for everything. One of the greatest blessings is she does not remember those times very well when she was not herself.  She is a beautiful girl who is always thinking of others. 

I don't know all the answers, and maybe no one does!  I do know for many years our family has felt a lone, our marriage has suffered and ,at times, all of us have felt insane.  The episode at Newtown is ,unfortunately,a fall-out of a deeper epidemic and deeper needs. 

Lastly..., to Adam Lanza's mother...I would have been your friend, even if we are all wandering Mars looking for oxygen, protein bars and friendship.