Landslide

"Landslide"
I took my love and took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

There are so many different routes to get from Las Vegas to Phoenix.  Every time I go visit my sis in one of the hottest spots on earth(yes, I know I live in the other one), I have to ask myself if I want to go by the Grand Canyon, or perhaps by Hoover Dam. Or maybe seeing the deep sapphire of Lake Havasau would be nice. Regardless of the road traveled, my final destination is the same. I want to arrive to see my sister in Phoenix.

Even in the world of culinary and in the world of art, the less beaten path is applauded. Combining ingredients in new ways and in varying combinations may bring forth a new tantalizing palatable treasure   A sculpture made from recycled wood and soap scum might herald the beginning of a new art genre!
It is disappointing, to me, that there are many areas in our lives where originality or free expression is often stifled.  The most stagnating of these happens to be in the arena of human emotion and relationships.  Maybe because in the world of art, cooking or even travel, the medium for creating or forging something new is tangible to almost all of  the senses. You can pick up an apple and cut it's peel in a thick long string and feel it's weight in your hands. You can smell the freshness of the flesh and taste the tangy sweetness on your tongue. In the art world, your brush nibbles  colored pigment onto it's tip and maneuvers onto canvas what is  soon an organized picture. Even when you jump in your car, the map in your hand or the GPS signal from your phone is solid as it guides you to your destination.
What then to do when the even more important portrait or destination of the human heart is at stake? How do you mold or even visualize how to handle something so fragile? Is it only to be done by following one particular pattern or set of rules? I would postulate that a thing as complex as the human heart would have many more variables and even exciting possibilities than any other creation. It just takes patience and MUCH more latitude than our western society would give us.
I was reading a parenting article a few days ago that listed the top 10"things" needed to be a successful parent. I stopped reading at number 6, as I realized not one of the suggestions I had read would have worked in my family. The one point I vividly remembered was number 3, "  Parents are responsible of teaching a child how to treat others with respect". I thought back to my kids who, at different points, had suffered neurological troubles and it simply was not always in their ability or even mine to teach them how to empathize with others.  Their neurological issues had, at times, robbed them of the ability to think and deal in a rational manner. Did the ability to not bypass a tricky medical problem that happened to affect my kids brain make me a bad parent?  Were my kids  bad kids because sometimes they were not able to stick to number 3?  This reminded me of a friend who went to a church sponsored seminar on parenting . Her son had autism and she was not hearing one word that was helpful to her current situation. She felt a complete failure as she left the building in tears. What about when my eight year old daughter wrote a letter to Santa asking if she was really good next year, would he really consider taking her off the naughty list? Many people approached me with "That was the cutest letter I have ever read". When my mom and I read it, however,  we cried because we knew the kid that wanted and wished to "be good", desired it in the same way a lame child desires to walk. This daughter suffered from Tourette's and often did not have control over her body.
As things have improved over the years medically and thus neurologically for my kids, their minds and hearts are more able to find peace and empathy. What if, though. If they had not ever been able to pass the #3 hurdle would they have been less of a person? Would I have been less of a parent? Obviously,   I still carry a little guilt in my heart that if I had just not had nutra -sweet in my pregnancies or used hairspray or drank well water that maybe my kids would've been completely normal and number 3 would have just been innate. However, life happens and our dreams are often not our realities.
     When I sent a couple kids off on an LDS high school  road trip a few weeks ago, I was asked to write them a letter and then email it to the tour chaperone.  The tour guide could not have known I am very sensitive to parenting advice. The tour guide also was not aware that raising five girls, 4 with neurological challenges from autism to schizophrenia had left me feeling
like the odd man out at Relief Society gatherings.  While other sisters were talking about baking or decorating, I  was worried about doctor appointments and IEP meetings with school officials. It had been many years since I had even had time to myself. If this tour guide HAD been aware of my situation, she would have never critiqued the letters I was asked to email her for my daughter's to read in the sacred grove.  Maybe I would have not been offended by, "Hi, I am your daughter's chaperone. Would you like to maybe change your letter to be a little more personal and loving?", if my journey of parenting had been different.. Of course, the tour chaperone did not know my history nor my daughters, but I suspected she lived by the #3 rule and did not realize there was more than one way to go from Phoenix to Las Vegas,  more than one way to make skirt steak, paint a portrait and, obviously,  more than one way to convey the emotions of the human heart.

 I cried at work and hid away in a corner after I received her text suggesting I change the letters.. In the nether most regions of my mind ,I again wondered, "am I  a bad parent?"
The nice thing about the human heart is it is God's favorite medium. So when I was feeling inept as a parent, I have lived long enough to know God would send something to heal my wounds. Yesterday, I worked with a young, witty nurse full of sunshine. On two separate occasions this angel randomly said in the course of casual conversation,  "A wonderful mother like Nicole". She could NOT have known I had cried myself to sleep the night before after reading the perfect parenting article, but God knew and he knew to have her heart touch mine.
And then the beautiful secret to her success as a nurse, a person and a mother came out when she said,
"My mom let me wear pajamas and scarves to kindergarten and wave them around because I wanted to be Stevie Nicks. She gave us a lot of leeway because she wanted us to be free to be who we were".

So to all the mother's out there who are not worried about number 3 and maybe let your kids wear PJs to school and maybe let them be free, you are creating original works of art capable of healing  God's favorite medium...the human heart.