JESSIE'S VEGAS

Dear Daddy,      I am awake at 4 am and can't help thinking that if I had awakened in the early morning while I was visiting you in Idaho, we could have one of our famous talks.  You would be downstairs making whole wheat toast or sitting in a recliner chair reading a book. I would drop on the couch wrapped in a warm blanket and we would talk and laugh and talk a little more.  So, I am going to pretend. Pretend I am talking to you, laughing, crying then laughing again.  You told me one time, "When I was a young man I became very ill and had an ulcer from worrying so much. I decided I would try to laugh when I felt like crying and pretty soon it became a habit. I have not had an ulcer since". Surely if I were there we would laugh much more than we would cry. Thanks for this lesson as it was surely a week full of times where I could have just cried.       It was a week of opposites for me and  when I heard you got sick while serving i...

Dear Daddy,       I think you better get down here quick. "Sweet Tomatoes " has added a breakfast menu on the weekends!If you get here  during the week,instead of the weekend, you could always enjoy their tomato basil soup and creamy Rosemary.  They have been serving baked sweet potatoes too and they are delicious.  We took Dani there today after her driver's test.  We forgot to have her practice parallel parking enough so she will have to try again. There are always a few of your golden nuggets of driving instructions that creep into my brain when I am driving with Dani. Some of these can be translated into life lessons too! 1."keep both hands on the steering wheel and you will not be tempted to lose concentration by doing things with your hands besides driving" ,could also be interpreted to the importance of maintaining focus in our modern world of distractions. 2."Only swerve for humans and deer. Run over everything else" .This lesson requires a lit...

Dear Daddy, I can tell what the weather is like outside even before I leave the covers of my bed. Our air conditioning unit is on so much at our house that the moment it is no longer needed, even the air smells differently.  It is perfect hiking weather now and the desert seems to be breathing again, shaking off the 115 degree temperatures of its record breaking summer.  Our porch is decorated with the usual fall seasonal fare. Our only son,werewolf Harry , is dangling from tree branches while our glorified mummy swings upside down from the bars of our upper balcony. I had the mummy in a tree too, but we caught a mischievous 8 year old trying to unwrap her.  We had to place her in a higher position, further away from side walk Halloween looters. Her neck and head wrappings probably need reglued but her white skull creeping out from the bandages, does seem to add something to the overall mood of the stoop. Our big teen Halloween party is next week and the kids are busy pla...

I am sorry I missed writing last week.  Traveling back East while still working full-time just set me back a few days.  I am still unpacking.  The trip  was bitter-sweet as memories from  childhood vacations swept in , but the reason we were back there, for the loss of Scott, unfortunately made the bitter a little more tangible than the sweet.  The liberty bell is still cracked just like it was back in 3rd grade when our family went on that 21-state tour in the belly of the gross-dragon( the bus converted into a motor home) with the Smith family. We were not planning on visiting the Liberty bell or Independence Hall on our trip back East to Dave brother's funeral, but our niece had a doctors appointment just a few blocks from Independence square so we decided just to "pop over". I enjoyed seeing the bell again and Dave and I thought it was neat it was an exhibit that was free to the public.  The Liberty Bell has been a symbol...

Dear Daddy, Not the REAL First Creek I keep forgetting what day it is. Is it Saturday? My default day is always Saturday so it must be my favorite day of the week. Growing up, cartoon shows were only on Saturday morning. I remember going over to grandma Goodwin's and watching cartoons while she made us waffles. I do not think I have had crisper, tastier waffles since. Saturdays meant a day off from school, a day full of play and exploring. Yes, Saturday is still my favorite day. I have lost track of time this week because our world was disrupted with the news of Dave's brothers death. Time stands still during things like this as memories or grief push in and insist they have their say.  Scott was a kind soul who loved his children fiercely.  After he lost his daughter,Zoe, I do not know if he ever truly recovered. He seemed more at peace the last couple of years and I think it is because he found the joy and exuberance of the  sky. The feeling of lightness, fresh air and ...

I try them on one at a time... A thought ,no...surely a phrase to make  things aright. But words are glass shards broken in the asphalt of my mind Thoughts, are empty hours lost in the night Grief is so heavy! An unwanted blanket. Covers of confusion and sadness. A query against the gift of sight Can something exist no longer seen? If matter is not destroyed then maybe, maybe that soul  just might Go on from this world full of sorrow and pain. search, find its body and   reunite. Nicole Budge

The mourning doves are taking over. I see them on power-lines, or in the lower branches of trees,their soulful cries juxtaposed sharply against the giddy warblings of the meadowlarks. Visiting the home of my childhood, I realize I no longer hear the meadowlark's joy for the morning in full volume. Instead it is the mourning dove's voice echoing my heart. And though it's song is not as light and carefree, it is still beautiful.

Our third child graduated high honors from high school and I am profoundly grateful for an omniscient God who packs not toys in his bag of tricks, but miracles.  When Alyssa was young, she was diagnosed with Tourette's disorder and CAPD(central auditory processing disorder) so she could not always control how she reacted to situations.  It was a taxing time as she was not the only one in the house with neurological troubles.  In fact, she seemed to fight everyday with her older sister that had Asperger's.  Listening to them squabble reminded me of the time I had a patient from China who fired her doctor from India. She said, "I cannot understand a word she is saying. Are you sure she is speaking English?" I realized both of them had heavy accents based on the world regions from where they hailed.  They would become exasperated trying to understand one another. I think my older daughter, Lauren, did not understand the Tourette's dialect just as much ...

Search:   Go! “Alyssum” I walk out my front door and pretend not to look at my flower pots that should be gracing my front stoop in vibrant, dripping colors. To say my thumb is not green, but maybe black is an understatement. I apologize to my former friends for the neglect and utter parchment they have faced with the warmer temperatures. I notice out of the corner of my eye, that a speck of life still remains. “There is a hero in this arid soil! Who could this be?” I exclaim to myself. My eyes fill with tears as I realize it is the Alyssum that has conquered the bright noonday and ravages of the Idaho wind. It’s tiny white blossoms overflow the edge of my pot and take over the empty space the deceased marigolds and moss left behind. I laugh at my emotion. I am sentimental, but not usually over foliage. No, my tears are for another Alyssum that has bloomed in the midst of life’s sco...