"At least "

Galatians 6:7-10

7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

10 As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.

These scriptures are called the law of the harvest. The harvest being referred to is the fruit of peace. The abundance received through the gift of the Holy Ghost.

I met with a therapist last year that told me, "Don't ever say "at least" about experiences in your life. By doing that you are not acknowledging the emotion surrounding the experience." So I have spent the better half of a year paying homage to all the emotions and experiences that have gone wrong in my life. I, unfortunately, have not just given them pause, but unwittingly I have added firewood to the flames of my indignation. As time has gone on and new negative experiences have been encountered, I have been tending my bonfire with those kindling branches also. Suddenly, I have found myself surrounded by heat and flames so consuming, I can see little else.

In the middle of my impromptu roast, I remembered my beautiful friend Joan Johnson. Joan developed cancer in her early 50's and was a friend to me when I was a young mother. Joan had every reason to ruminate and reflect on the things that had gone wrong in her life and stoke her own fireplace. She had faced many things even before cancer. However, during her latest trial, she chose instead to say "at least" to almost every obstacle she met. One day I called her to see how she was doing. She said, "Oh, Nicole, I am just fine! Right before you called I was giving a prayer of thanks. I was thanking God that I was able to crawl up the stairs to do my laundry. I cannot walk them anymore, but you know what a blessing it is to "at least" crawl. " She could not see my tears as I pictured her in my mind with a large laundry basket crawling up the stairs. I wanted to hop on over to her house and take her basket and do her laundry for her. I felt, restrained, however, and the spirit spoke to my heart that God was pleased with her efforts, with her prayer, and mostly her gratitude.

The last few weeks have been very tricky when one of the kids seemed to be regressing again. Rocking back and forth, not always hearing us when we spoke to her. She was also having frequent episodes of incontinence that the doctors can find no reason for. They have ruled out medication side-effects and indeed her symptoms continued even when I desperately tried weaning her off things to see what would happen. What happened is I only made things worse by having her fall into this state of regression and it reminded me of the time she was headed for catatonia. Her seizures are controlled and they are worried she might have some white matter disease. Time will tell with follow-up MRI's in 6 months that are following her white matter lesions. I was worried she might lose her job and I did not dare talk to her boss but instead stayed quiet and relied on the kindnesses and patience of her wonderful co-workers. I was tempted to toss these episodes of regression like huge logs of fuel to my carefully tended fire. I knew they had enough emotion to feed things for several months...they were that powerful! However, I decided for one day just to try saying "at least" again. I said, "At least this daughter is SO loving. Everyone that meets her immediately feels the love of God". "At least she is happy. She could be happy in a tsunami while the rest of us were complaining". "At least she is walking, able to feed herself and is still remembering to shower". "At least she has been through the temple for her endowment". Throughout my day I am also saying thank you for every silly little thing as I picture these little sayings as sprinkles of water to extinguish my bonfire. "Thank you for that beautiful sunrise!' "Thank you for my food!" "Thank you for my home!" "Thank you at least we have treatment options and can keep looking".

We started a new medicine and our daughter seems a little better this week.

In the meanwhile, I think I will keep saying "thank you" and "at least" because I have to believe verse 9 " And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not".

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