Carry

I heard someone remark last week while glancing at their phone," Her posts are kind of a downer. I had to stop following her on Facebook ". I was surprised as this was an older woman who had had her share of troubles herself. The person she was referring to was a single mom thrust into the role of raising an autistic toddler...all...by...herself. I was quiet and walked on my way, but did reflect upon the fact that being a special needs parent costs more than being unfollowed on FB. It costs $, it costs relationships, and , sometimes, it costs your own sanity. This October marks a year since we have been chasing a diagnosis for one of our kids. It has cost us a lot of $, some relationships and I have walked the tightrope of despair. Through it all, I have probably lost some FB followers myself. However, I am still surprised and so infinitely grateful for the people who have stayed with me. Who keeps inviting me out to waffles, Italian food, and seductive ice cream rendezvous. I rarely can say yes as I'm still on the tightrope and not always wanting to even speak out loud my troubles...even over lobster ravioli, but I can feel their prayers and their positivity buoying me up. They drop flowers and little notes on my porch. They are probably the reason I have not fallen and at least am still on my tightrope. One woman, who keeps me going, I do not even know that well. We have never gone out socially, but she seems to know I can write about the things of my heart even if I can't always assign them a voice verbally. She texts or emails me often to see how things are going. Yesterday she rang the bell and I immediately fled to my bedroom. I had worked 3 exhausting night shifts, slept very little and had showered even less. I was embarrassed. She left the following produce from her garden with a recipe for a beautiful eggplant extravaganza. Every time I look at the veggies the tears well up and I consider shellacking them, not eating them. For this kind soul not only follows me -  sometimes she also carries me...