Hosea

I have been stuck in one chapter in my scriptures for awhile. It is no matter ,though, as I am not reading something beginning to end just to say I have read it. I do know I have benefitted greatly from reading from the word of God on a daily basis. I don't know why I thought I could be more casual in my reading. Would I ever decide I didn't need food? Like, feeding my physical body is important, but it's OK to ignore food for my soul? I can try to analyze the need for spiritual sustenance, but in the end, even the study of such a thing would probably not prove fruitful. Just like the study of nutrition without consuming food would not feed me, the study of spiritual food without consuming the word of God would leave me still hungry. Maybe it took a child totally turning their back on not only religion, but God in general to scare me. To see her soul hungry and looking for spiritual food in the wrong places and just being hungrier. Maybe it took this event for me to decide that after seeing this child with so many miracles, so many evidences of God, that those things were still not enough to sustain her. Maybe those "miracles" were like fruit snacks or granola bars. Made to supplement meals and food, but were never meant to be the main tenet of a person's diet. At one of my lowest points a few weeks ago, I uttered a quick prayer. "Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for the hours and hours of therapy. Forgive me for the med trials, the alternative therapies for autism. Forgive me for the priesthood blessings and prayers offered in the temple on my child's behalf. Forgive me because if I hadn't done these things this child would still be non-functional. We sold homes, changed jobs, did whatever it took to get this child well. Without our help, this child would still be innocent. Should I really have done so much to get her to have free-will? We practically sold our souls to grant her the ability to have free agency. Is it OK we gave her the ability to make terrible decisions?" And then THIS answer: "Yes. You should have done all those things. Just like I sold my soul for you. So you could make your own terrible decisions. EVERYDAY. This answer humbled me and startled me even more. Was I really just as disobedient as my daughter who had turned her back on God? The answer to that was also: "Yes". Last year while studying the Old Testament I listened to podcasts weekly. One day I was especially embarrassed by my daughter's behavior when she had asked if her girlfriend AND husband could come over to our house to play pool. Yes, she had entered into a polyamorous relationship. This week I was particularly tearful about my daughter's life choices, and then I heard the podcast about the book of Hosea. The story goes that God tells Hosea to marry a woman named Gomer. Hosea marries her, starts a family and then Gomer leaves him for another man. Even after she has sinned, even after she has turned into a harlot, God tells Hosea to win her back. Hosea's unwavering love and forgiveness of Gomer is symbolic of God's unwavering and forgiving love to Israel. Through  Hosea's life's journey, God shows his love for Israel despite the disobedience, despite the adultery of choosing other things before God. However, in Hosea 3:5 Israel finally chooses God again and “they will come trembling to the LORD and to His goodness in the last days” (Ho 3:5). Hosea’s message is hard. Hosea’s message is sad. But, finally, Hosea’s message is tender. It’s the story of God and the unfaithful nation He loves anyway. "Yes. He sold His soul for all of us just so we could make terrible decisions EVERYDAY. Just so that someday we would finally choose... HIM".

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