"What's Going On"

All these years later, and I am journaling again. I found some of my old journals a few weeks ago and realized there is no better platform for self-reflection or even healing than journaling. It seems strange to type rather than write with a pencil or pen, but honestly, since I had a TIA a few years ago, I prefer typing. The TIA happened on December 1st 2021 a few days after I had received my second COVID booster injection. The 1st booster injection I had had a small fever, tachycardia that came and went, and fluctuating blood pressures. I have talked to a few other nurses who have experienced this phenomenon, and the one thing we have in common is that we all have underlying clotting disorders. My TIA happened, and I am missing pieces of memory from those few days surrounding that event. Dani says, "I knew something was different, Mom, because you actually shopped with me at Kohl's, and did not complain about the time I took". With my ADHD, spending more time than necessary on any event has always been challenging for me. This includes Dani's shopping and careful consideration of all items she looks at. As I have discovered many times in my life, though, with every setback there are also not just one, but many silver linings. I experienced some eye discoordination and reading fatigue as sequela and discovered crossword puzzles and e-biking that have restored my balance and coordination. Also diagnosed with vestibular migraine and realized I have probably had some form of migraines my whole life. By treating the migraines, I have now been able to have less travel fatigue and can even go on roller coasters for the first time in my life. A few things lately: I am back on night shift and enjoying it for the first time in my life. In the past, I have had children who depended on me, and their schooling events in the background, and this made it hard for me to sleep peacefully. In fact, an event happened yesterday that popped up in my Facebook memories that made me remember just how difficult it sometimes was to sleep during the day. "The blessing of temple worship has even helped me in my professional career. Years ago, I had just come home from a troubling night shift.  I was going from one joyful room where a new lusty cry of birth entered the world,  to the solemn quiet room where there would be no lusty cry. That family was experiencing a stillborn delivery. Their tears entailed loss, not joy. I was cheering one family on, while crying with the other. I wished there had been a  Superman phone booth in the hallway that I could have twirled myself in. Not changing my clothes, but my emotions as I moved room to room briskly. That shift left me emotionally and physically spent. When I got home, I had a good, long cry. My head hit my soft pillow, and I fell into a restless, sorrowful sleep. My dreams were gray and dreary.  A few hours later, I was surprised when even in my slumber, peaceful feelings and pure joy started filling my heart.  These sensations were so strong, I arose to see what my children were up to.  Out in the living room, I found Dani and Jess, our youngest kids, bent over a laptop.  “What’s Going on,” What’s Going on”, I asked.  I was trying to sleep, but something woke me up!   The girls surprised me when they said they were working on family history, and they had just found a whole missing family from Norway!  Honestly, someday  I cannot wait to meet the  Jensdatters from Sorum, Norway.  They were so excited to be found, their joy pierced the veil, our home, snuck into my dreams, and helped heal my broken heart." We visited my parent last week and my dad came up with a couple more names for me to take to the temple. Tuesday Jess gets her CT scan to make sure her appendix cancer is gone. I'll probably get up early and take one of the names my dad gave me to the temple. Because as I mentioned earlier, with every set-back, there are also so many silver linings and lessons to be discovered. Jess's cancer scare has already brought us many hidden blessings and reminders that God is in the details of our lives! But that, my friend, is a story for another day

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