Life in the Fast Lane

I have not enjoyed attending doctor appointments a lone.  It is not so bad when the subject of the doctor's visit is my own body.  I can deal with that.  What I haven't been able to stomach very well are the doctor appointments where I receive some unusual news about a child.  The next time I find myself in the position to review test results about a child while I am alone sitting across from a physician, I am going to wear a sign. The sign will hang from my neck with yarn or string, doesn't really matter, and display a large HEART. If it were possible I would somehow show the heart beating and then of course the words "FRAGILE--HANDLE with CARE" embellished above the heart. I don't know if this would help or not, but I'm willing to try anything to soften the blow.
 When I received the news last summer that one of my daughters "Might be in a vegetative state" someday, if I did not find the proper medicine, I stumbled out of that office and hyperventilated   in the car.  I actually forgot the child in the waiting room, I was so distressed!  I did not think I was safe to drive so I waited until my shaking hands could grip the steering wheel safely and until my wet eyes dried enough to see the road.  I then drove straight to Dave's office and rushed into his arms. 
I was my daughter's teacher at this time and she had no short term memory.  The doctor's told me this may not return.  I tried to do everything, short of supplying her the answer to her studies, but she could not remember minute to minute what we had been studying! I found myself bursting into tears as I saw her rocking her body  and just disappearing inside of herself. My husband and older daughter tried teaching her and they found the same devastating results. She could not dress herself alone or shower without help.  I found it was easier for me if I just pretended she was my cute little 4 year-old again.
To be honest with you, the next few months I was not myself. I considered moving to L.A. I considered moving to New York. Anywhere to keep my daughter from reaching this horrible state of vegetation.  I talked to doctors, hospitals. I let the hair on my legs and underarms grow out and I didn't even know it.  I  lost friends because I was relentless in my pursuit to help my daughter.  I became very close to MY God and he would whisper to my heart solace and peace. He also told me I needed to wait and try to work with the professionals here in town.  This was very difficult for me because I wanted results NOW.
Finally, after a new medication, we saw some wonderful things begin to happen! She started to remember more and more.  She went to a new school where experts could help her and she would receive more socialization.  She began to sleep.  For some unusual reason, during the worst part of all this she didn't sleep more than 2 hours a night.  It was very bizarre.  She was finally sleeping. After four months,she seemed to be doing so much better, but she still was SO quiet. Just not ever initiating conversation.
One month ago we added another medication and she started talking!!!
Around this time, we took our youngest daughter in for testing because she wasn't paying attention in class and she was failing.  I had already noticed some unusual behaviors, with her, but I had had bigger fish to fry with my older daughter.  This time I was SMART and took Dave with me.  After having 2 doctor's confirm the diagnosis of Asperger's with our youngest, Dave left the office with his head hanging low.  "Well, that was a real downer, huh?" "Yeah," I told him..."Your turn to drive."




Comments

  1. AnonymousMay 20, 2012 at 8:31 PM

    Dear Mom #2,
    I love you, and so do your daughters. You work so hard. You are amazing. Your kids couldn't have a better mother, and I couldn't have a better second Mom. I just barely discovered this blog. You are a great writer. I nearly cried! Say hi to the family for me. Hopefully I can see you all soon. :)
    P.S. If the commentor thing doesn't say, this is Alicia. :P

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

The presents, the stockings and rising early before the sun rose up trying to see Santa are all beloved memories from my youth. I LOVED Christmas and bought into the whole North Pole fantasy without a second thought. To a child, the magic and promise  of "good things happening to the world" was not so hard to buy into. Fresher from heaven and angels, as a child, I did not think it was unusual for one man to load up his sleigh and visit every single house on Christmas Eve.  Of course he knew my name and every other child's name on earth. I did not have trouble believing in a babe that was born in a manger either.  Why wouldn't the donkeys, sheep and cattle surround that place and worship their Heavenly King?The thought of a salutory star rising in the Eastern sky,   guiding wisemen and sheperds made perfect sense. As the years have passed , my childlike faith has been replaced not so much with doubt, but with its bed-fellow fear.  The trials of the mortal j...
Read more

The leaf

Tears have spilled over onto my soggy pillowcase. Their damp, unwanted presence seep into my dream and interrupt my subconscious wanderings. I rub my sleep weary eyes in an attempt to reorient myself in time.  Where am I ? In my last thought I was old and then in the next scene I was young. My body turns and morphs somewhere to an inbetween indeterminate age.  "This is so silly, why can't my body make up it's mind if I'm young, old or somewhere in between?" And then , "Because you are all of those things! You are young, you are old, and not only in between,  you are eternal!" "Oh of course I am!Mr. Sandman!!Ok, if that's possible then take me back to the place where my kids were little, cuz that was the hardest yet best time of my life! So I teleported, actually Dave drove me in our old teal dodge van  which suddenly had the magical properties of a time machine, complete with the messy food stained carseats. We flew back to the beautiful wh...
Read more

Rain in the desert

Image
It rained last night and there is no better thing to a parched desert floor. Dust swirls up and meets the rain and combines into wondrous mud. Previously dirt-strewn roads are suddenly clean and shiny. Small puddles of mirrored water become impromptu baths for desert fowl or swimming pools for Jessie's tiny toes. I did not miss this delightful morning because I actually had a day off! Going through the papers in Jessie's backpack I am confounded that the pile of notices from the school has mysteriously multiplied overnight. How does this happen? I unfold a pink paper and I realize I am going to miss the Mom's and Muffins again ... working that day too. Dani says " Who's going to help Jessie remember her "dance moves" when she tries out for the talent show? Aren't you working that day too?" I stop a moment and wonder how I was able to participate so much more in the past with my children in their schooling. I already know the answer and I sta...
Read more