Midi-Chlorian
I am not sleeping. Yes, I know it probably has something to do with my return to nightshift and my subsequent napping most of the day. Still, the house seems like a quiet graveyard, eerily silent except for the rhythmic snoring from Georgia's smashed in snout. I decide to trade activities and walk by the TV in the bedroom looking for the laptop and I happen to see that at least Chuck Norris is working out on his Total Gym.
"I could work out! I have a Total Gym in my garage. I could even do it in my underwear and no one would know," I tell myself. The fact of the matter, though, is I am tired, but my eyes simply won't stayed closed. "Too tired to" chuck it" in the garage, I might as well write", I concede to myself. I tried reading a book called, "House Rules" and I ended up in tears, which is about as far away from sleep as you can get. It is about a boy with autism and is just a little too close to home. The isolation of the family and the boy sends daggers through my heart. Yes, maybe I am grateful for Georgia's snoring. At least it makes me feel a little less a lone.
I do not know why I have not recovered from the last episode of one of the kid's regressing this time. I had started a new job and was not supervising Sydney's meds close enough. Maybe it is because I have had my own health problems lately and have not felt well myself. Whatever the reason is, I find myself crying more, and forgetting important things. Despite the fact that our family has seen many, many miracles throughout the years, maybe the old adage really is true. A mother is only as happy as her saddest child. It is my Sydney that I mourn for. My Sydney that was different before we moved to Nevada and she received eight vaccines at one time to make up what she was missing from Idaho. My Sydney who we had made such strides with, sold our home for and done programs targeting her CAPD and learning issues. She has been the one who has regressed the most. The others are almost completely recovered. We have done so many programs for the older three kids and most have really made a difference. Even Sydney has improved, but when she had the latest episode of regression and it was partially my fault, my heart stopped in my chest and just has not returned to it's normal state of beating.
OK, we are lucky! She is already doing better and it has only been a couple of months. She is reading books again, smiling and talking more. She has not wandered from the house again and she is remembering to use silverware. She is bouncing back, but I am not. Maybe I am getting old. The gray hairs that peek through my 6 week dye jobs belie the fact that this body is not as spry as it used to be. What will happen when I die? Sydney's disability claim has been turned down two times. Now she has to go appear in front of judge. How can a judge make a ruling in a few minutes of talking to her? What can he possibly glean from her? She says "yes" to everything.
My fall-back plan involves my younger child we are convinced is midi-chlorian. She was conceived during a time my husband was working out of town so we think she must be partially divine. The way she loves people and wants to save the world only solidifies the fact that she is better than most of us.When she was just eleven years old she said, "Mom, I'm thinking Syd might just have to live with me someday after you die. You aren't going to live forever, you know. Yes, she is just going to have to live with me and my husband is going to have to accept it . In fact, I would like it if he stayed home and watched our babies and Syd while I worked". OK, now I am feeling a wee bit better! Still not good enough to go do the Total Gym in my garage in my undies, but maybe enough to try to lie down and close my eyes for a bit. AND Maybe, in August, I will even show these few paragraphs to the judge...I really hope he is Midi-Chlorian too!!!
I do not know why I have not recovered from the last episode of one of the kid's regressing this time. I had started a new job and was not supervising Sydney's meds close enough. Maybe it is because I have had my own health problems lately and have not felt well myself. Whatever the reason is, I find myself crying more, and forgetting important things. Despite the fact that our family has seen many, many miracles throughout the years, maybe the old adage really is true. A mother is only as happy as her saddest child. It is my Sydney that I mourn for. My Sydney that was different before we moved to Nevada and she received eight vaccines at one time to make up what she was missing from Idaho. My Sydney who we had made such strides with, sold our home for and done programs targeting her CAPD and learning issues. She has been the one who has regressed the most. The others are almost completely recovered. We have done so many programs for the older three kids and most have really made a difference. Even Sydney has improved, but when she had the latest episode of regression and it was partially my fault, my heart stopped in my chest and just has not returned to it's normal state of beating.
OK, we are lucky! She is already doing better and it has only been a couple of months. She is reading books again, smiling and talking more. She has not wandered from the house again and she is remembering to use silverware. She is bouncing back, but I am not. Maybe I am getting old. The gray hairs that peek through my 6 week dye jobs belie the fact that this body is not as spry as it used to be. What will happen when I die? Sydney's disability claim has been turned down two times. Now she has to go appear in front of judge. How can a judge make a ruling in a few minutes of talking to her? What can he possibly glean from her? She says "yes" to everything.
My fall-back plan involves my younger child we are convinced is midi-chlorian. She was conceived during a time my husband was working out of town so we think she must be partially divine. The way she loves people and wants to save the world only solidifies the fact that she is better than most of us.When she was just eleven years old she said, "Mom, I'm thinking Syd might just have to live with me someday after you die. You aren't going to live forever, you know. Yes, she is just going to have to live with me and my husband is going to have to accept it . In fact, I would like it if he stayed home and watched our babies and Syd while I worked". OK, now I am feeling a wee bit better! Still not good enough to go do the Total Gym in my garage in my undies, but maybe enough to try to lie down and close my eyes for a bit. AND Maybe, in August, I will even show these few paragraphs to the judge...I really hope he is Midi-Chlorian too!!!
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