The Pearl

   

It was an epic Christmas celebration filled with lots of wrapping paper and too much food! Later in the day, I found myself alone upstairs with my father-in-law. I'm guessing everyone else was in a food coma from the buffet.  I hated to see him this way. In fact, in the over 34 years I had known him I had seldom seen him look so downcast. His eyes were misty and his voice shook as he spoke. "Some days are better than others", he said. Of course he had a right to be sad! Losing a child at any age is traumatic. It reminded me of the time I had an 80-year old patient in the ICU. I found her crying alone in her room. I sat on her bed and asked her, "What happened? Are you OK?"
"Oh, I am sorry", she muttered as I passed her a tissue. "It's not because I'm in the hospital. I am crying because my baby died."
"Oh gosh! That is not an easy thing! Even if it happened long ago. Do you want to talk about it?"
"Yes, well it happened just last week. He was at work and they found him slumped over from a massive MI. He was only 55-years old and he was my baby!"
We hugged and being a young mother I had yet to realize that my baby would always be my baby. That my kids would continue to be precious cherubs even when they had gray hairs themselves.  It was kind of a shock to realize that my parents right then and there probably still called me "Cole-rabe" or "Prince-barebum" to each other. Those were just some of the nick-names they gave me when I used to run around the house naked as a toddler. Regardless, it was a lesson I would never forget and my heart reached out to my father-in-law as he spoke about and venerated the memory of his oldest son.  We watched a few You-tube tributes about Scott's life.  We remarked that like most people, we missed Scott's voice.  It was a soft and reasonable voice.  It had a melodic ring to it that only reached a crescendo when his laugh rang out clear and unbridled. The word that comes to mind when I think of his laugh is "tickle". He sounded like he was being tickled or maybe was even guilty of being a great tickler himself. That how spontaneous and unrestrained his laugh was.  He also had a talent for sound effects. My husband shares the same talent and he has spent hours doing voice-overs, impersonations, and has taught his daughters the same thing.  Looking back now, there could have been quite the duo for impersonations if Scott and David had ever got together on a project. 

      Later that same day, my father-in-law  broached the subject of another loss he had experienced recently.  He said, "I have been seeing a counselor every week and she understands me because her mother has dementia. She says in some ways, that loss can be even harder than a sudden death.  Everyday, you see the person you love become a little less of the person you knew ."
"That is so true," I said. "I know it must be hard seeing the person you have known for over 60 years change!When our daughter, Sydney ,became sick 7 years ago, she had no short-term memory.  Although she has recovered a lot of cognitive function, her short-term memory is still impaired. I cannot look at pictures of her before this happened without becoming nostalgic.  I love the new Sydney, but I have to admit , sometimes I miss the old Sydney too."
"Yes, at least both Sydney and Ruth are  happy and adjusted, it is just us, who overthink things", he said.
"Yes, I am the queen of over-thinking!" I said. "I remember when I was filling out disability paperwork for Sydney a couple of years ago.  It was a terrible day and I just did not think I could get through the forms! They were several pages long and I had to keep taking breaks to go cry. The forms were asking how the person "USED" to be compared to how they were "NOW". To have to write down the changes we had seen was like going through the whole thing again! I prayed that whole day that I would be able to complete those forms. I was the only one who could do it. I had been to all the doctor appointments, IEP's. I told God it was a task I could not give away to someone else. Finally, that afternoon, a new thought entered my mind that was an answer to my prayer. I knew it was God because it was too smart for me to think of . It was this, "It's Ok, Nicole, you guys are all handicapped down there anyways. None of you are who you were meant to be yet!" For some reason, that got me through it! Just thinking that God didn't think any less of Syd , because we were all poor souls and fools down here on Earth, made me feel better . I thought of my hang-ups, my faults, my faux pas and I actually started laughing!"
My father-in-law grinned and we agreed in was nice to talk to each other because we were in similar circumstances.
"If you want to save money on a counselor, just give me a call!"
He smiled.
"Better, yet, please take this offer seriously.  You guys are like a second set of parents to me. You came to my track-meets in high school, choir concerts, man ,you even picked me up from work a few times.  If you ever want to get one of those "multi-generational" homes we would love to have you! Or get an apartment close by.We would both save on counselors! "
"We want to be as independent as we can, but we will think about it," he said.
I noticed he hugged me a little tighter when he said goodbye.  It was a "you get me and I get you " hug and it brought tears to my eyes.

As we waved goodbye and saw their little white dog through the back window, it was a sweet picture. I knew not only that I would see them again soon, but that one day none of us would be wandering fools on this blue marble . That one day our real father and mother would be waiting to welcome us back home with open arms. And what a bright day that would be!

The Pearl

When I was a little child,
and dwelling in my kingdom,

in my father's house, and was content with the wealth and the
luxuries of my nourishers,

from the East, our home,
my parents equipped me (and) sent me forth;

and of the wealth of our treasury
they took abundantly, (and) tied up for me a load

large and (yet) light, which I myself could carry,

gold of Beth-Ellaya,
and silver of Gazak the great,

and rubies of India,
and agates from Beth-Kashan,

and they furnished me with the adamant,
which can crush iron.

And they took off from me the glittering robe,
which in their affection they made for me,

and the purple toga,
which was measured (and) woven to my stature.

And they made a compact with me,
and wrote it in my heart, that it might not be forgotten:

"If thou goest down into Egypt,
and bringest the one pearl,

which is in the midst of the sea
around the loud-breathing serpent,

thou shalt put on thy glittering robe
and thy toga, with which (thou art) contented,

and with thy brother, who is next to us in authority,
thou shalt be heir in our kingdom."

I quitted the East (and) went down,
there being two guardians,

for the way was dangerous and difficult,
and I was very young to travel it.

I passed through the borders of Maishan,
the meeting-place of the merchants of the East,

and I reached the land of Babel,
and I entered the walls of Sarbug.

I went down into Egypt,
and my companions parted from me.

I went straight to the serpent,
I dwelt in his abode,

(waiting) till he should lumber and sleep,
and I could take my pearl from him.

And when I was single and alone
(and) became strange to my family,

one of my race, a free-born man,
and Oriental, I saw there,

a youth fair and loveable,
the son of oil-sellers;

and he came and attached himself to me,
and I made him my intimate friend,

and associate with whom I shared my merchandise.
I warned him against the Egyptians,

and against consorting with the unclean;

And I dressed in their dress,
that they might not hold me in abhorrence,

because I was come from abroad in order to take the pearl,
and arouse the serpent against me.

But in some way other or another
they found out that I was not their countryman,

and they dealt with me treacherously,
and gave their food to eat.

I forget that I was a son of kings,
and I served their king;

and I forgot the pearl,
for which my parents had sent me,

and because of the burden of their oppressions
I lay in a deep sleep.

But all this things that befell me
my parents perceived, and were grieved for me;

and proclamation was made in our kingdom,
that every one should come to our gate [kingdom],

kings and princes of Parthia,
and all the nobles of the East.

And they wove a plan on my behalf,
that I might not be left in Egypt;

and they wrote to me a letter,
and every noble signed his name to it:

"From thy father, the king of kings,
and thy mother, the mistress of the East,

and from thy brother, our second (in authority),
to thee our son, who art in Egypt, greeting!

Call to mind that thou art a son of kings!
See the slavery,--whom thou servest!

Remember the pearl,
for which thou was sent to Egypt!

Think of thy robe,
and remember thy splendid toga,

which thou shalt wear and (with which) thou shalt be adorned,
when thy name hath been read out in the list of the valiant,

and thy brother, our viceroy,
thou shalt be in our kingdom."

My letter is a letter,
which the king sealed with his own right hand,

(to keep it) from the wicked ones, the children of Babel,
and from the savage demons of Sarbug.

It flew in the likeness of an eagle,
the king of all birds;

it flew and alight beside me,
and became all speech.

At its voice and the sound of its rustling,
I started and arose from my sleep.

I took it up and kissed it,
and I began (and) read it;

and according to what was traced on my heart
were the words of my letter.

I remembered that I was a son of royal parents,
and my noble birth asserted itself.

I remembered the pearl,
for which I had been sent to Egypt,

and I began to charm him,
the terrible loud breathing serpent.

I hushed him asleep and lulled him into slumber,
for my father's name I named over him,

and the name of our second (in power),
and the of my mother, the queen of the East.

And I snatched away the pearl,

and turned to go back to my father's house.

And their filthy and unclean dress I stripped off,
and left it in their country;

and I took my way straight to come
to the light of our home in the East.

And my letter, my awakener,
I found before me on the road;

and as with its voice it had awakened me,
(so) too with its light it was leading me.

It, that dwelt in the palace,
gave light before me with its form,

and with its voice and its guidance
it also encouraged me to speed,

and with its love it drew me on.

I went forth (and) passed by Sarbug;
I left Babel on my left hand;

and I came to the great Maisan,
to the haven of merchants,

which sitteth on the shore of the sea.

And my bright robe, which I had stripped off,
and the toga that was wrapped with it,

from Rantha and Reken[?]
my parents had sent thither

by the hand of their treasures,
who in their truth could be trusted therewith.

And because I remembered not its fashion,—
for in my childhood I had left it in my father's house,—

on a sudden, when I received it,
the garment seemed to me to become like a mirror of myself.

I saw it all in all,
and I to received all in it,

for we were two in distinction
and yet gain one in one likeness.

And the treasurers too,
who brought it to me, I saw in like manner

to be two (and yet) one likeness,
for one sign of the king was written on them (both),

of the hands of him who restored to me through them
my trust and my wealth,

my decorated robe, which
was adorned with glorious colors,

with gold and beryls
and rubies and agates

and sardonyxes, varied in color.
And it was skillfully worked in its home on high,

and with diamond clasps
were all its seams fastened;

and the image of the king of kings
was embroidered and depicted in full all over it,

and like the stone of the sapphire too
its hues were varied.

And I saw also that all over it
the instincts of knowledge were working,

and I saw too that it was preparing to speak.

I heard the sound of its tones,
which it uttered with its ^{(illegible text)}, (saying):

"I am the active in deeds,
whom they reared for him before my father;

and I perceived myself,
that my stature grew according to his labors."

And in its kingly movements
it poured itself entirely over me,

and on the hand of its givers
it hastened that I might take it.

And love urged me too run
to meet it and receive it;

and I stretched forth and took it.
With the beauty of its colors I adorned myself,

and I wrapped myself wholly in my toga
of brilliant hues.

I clothed myself with it, and went up to the gate
of salutation and prostration;

I bowed my head and worshipped the majesty
of my father who sent me,—

for I had done his commandments, and he too had done what he promised,—

and the gate of his ^{(illegible text)},
I mingled with his princes,

for he rejoiced in me and received me,
and I was with him in his kingdom,

and with the voice of ^{(illegible text)}
all his servants praised him.

And he promised that to the gate too
of the king of kings with him I should go,

and with my offering and my pearl
with him should present myself to our king.

The Hymn of Judas Thomas the Apostles,
which he spake in prison, is ended.