Rose-scented

     "Why We Need Survival Stories", a catchy headline with a story about a successful businessman, former NFL player who was stranded in the ocean 9 hours without a life-jacket.  Do not get me wrong, I am SO glad this guy survived! I am SO glad I was not the one stranded off the coast of Florida being bitten by a myriad of sea creatures.  My whole thing is, I wish we liked stories that involved a protagonist who was enduring more than just 9 hours of discomfort. I wish we commiserated more openly with folks who spent their life-time in oceans being bitten by health issues, financial ruin or ill-fated omens.  Maybe our heroes can only be scarred momentarily for us to relate.

     I was complaining to my  friend about how most regular people just didn't understand or even care about the travails of special needs parenting.  She said these wise words.  "I have discovered there are 2 types of trials. There are the types of trials that are "rose-scented" trials. People call all the time, bring by all kinds of flowers, not just roses to help a person get by. There are casseroles and Hallmark cards and even lunch dates.  When my first-born was stillborn, it was really, really hard, but it was a rose-scented trial. People sent cards, came to memorials, called me all the time.  When we had some really awful financial difficulties, that was not a rose-scented trial. People changed the subject,  didn't dare ask, "Do you have enough food?" We felt very alone, but we also came to rely upon the Lord.

     Her words comforted me and I suddenly was grateful. Grateful for my "ill-scented" trials that did not make national headlines, but required me to spend more time on my knees in prayer. According to US NEWS article ,More Americans are Turning their Backs on Religion and Here is Why, "Americans have been believing in God less and less in recent months, and new research is shedding light on why that may be.

According to a survey conducted by the Pew Research Center as part of a broader Religious Landscape Study, 78 percent of people who do not identify with any religious group were raised in a faith system and then left as adults.

Further, about half of those people said that a lack of belief caused them to leave their faith, citing, among other things, "science" and "lack of evidence" as reasons for this skepticism."

In our case, having to rely on God and heaven for help has left me with little doubt that heaven exists and that we are helped more than we know.  

A couple of years ago, I was working with a close colleague at the hospital.  We shared a love of literature and science and often got into deep discussions. This particular day I asked her, "What do you think happens after we die?" 

She hesitated because she knew my religious background. She said, "Well, that's it. It's over. It is eternal rest because you just stop existing."

I told her, "I really think with my scientific background and mind that if I had lived a regular life I would be drawn to the same conclusion.  I can totally see why you would feel that way. All I have, though, are my experiences and I have had somethings happen that make it very hard for me to think we are not watched over by a higher power".

     I then told her about the time I was at a loss of what to do about my daughter with Tourette's.  We had tried almost everything and the PHD psychologist wanted to start preparing me for "when she grows up to be a sociopath". My inner mother-bear cried out and I fired that psychologist and turned to prayer.  On a snowy Idaho winter's day, I was leaving the hospital and not in a hurry to get home. I thought to myself, "Here it was such a terrible shift in the ER, I should be delighted to get home, but I am not. "I said a prayer in my car, "Dear God, I do not know how to help my child? What should I do? " A thought so loud it was almost a voice entered my mind.  It was, "put her on a horse".  I knew this was not my thought because 1) I was afraid of horses 2) I had no access to horses and had never heard of horses helping. After she started riding and we saw the changes in her personality that is when I did the research and found that some people are lacking in mirror neurons and it affects their behavior and ability to empathize.  Riding horses mirrors a rider emotionally and helps them develop these neurons when they are lacking. Now, I had no way of knowing this, but God did and when other therapies had failed he sent this thought to my mind. 

I shared with her another experience. It was about a powerful dream where my Grandmother who had passed away visited me and hugged me and told me I needed to be strong. In my dream it was normal she had passed away and was still in existence.  Up until this dream I had been in full denial that another child was in full psychosis. I was ignoring all the signs because I just didn't think I could deal with it.  I told my colleague that without my Grandmother's help from the other side of the grave I would have never had the strength to get my daughter the help she needed.  I actually felt something holding my legs up when I had to visit my daughter in the hospital.  I think I was surrounded by angels. 

We were both crying by the end of the conversation. My goal was not to convince her or convert her to my way of thinking, but just to share experiences. 

Ironically, later, it was not a religious person who  cried with me and took me in their arms when a neurologist thought our daughter might be headed toward being a vegetable.  It was this colleague and friend who had no religious affiliation, but had a mind and heart as big as the ocean.  Someone whose religion means not caring if a trial is "rose-scented", but was there to fight off all the demons that were biting me when I was in the ocean without a life-jacket. 

I miss you, Jill! And I like your religion!