The Toybox

 For my birthday this year, my mom asked what she needed to get me. I told her I wanted copies of a couple of pages from my dad's green journal. I did not even know he had a green journal he had been writing in for over 30 years until my oldest daughter mentioned it to me after a remarkable occurrence. Lauren had been working as a massage therapist at "Casinosage" in Las Vegas, Nevada. She had been a little discouraged as it was one of those commission based jobs where sometimes folks don't tip and essentially you are working for free.  Her shift had been fraught with drunk slot players who would rather put coins in the machine than tips in her palm so she had been close to tears. One woman asked for a massage while she played the slots and said to Lauren, "I have never had a massage before and it's my first time in Las Vegas." She then said as she was getting the chair massage, "Who is Dani and why is the number 15 important to her?" Lauren was shocked and told the woman Dani was her sister and it was her 15th birthday.  This stranger related other things to Lauren like, "Your dad has been through too many years of college and your mom resents him for it. She needs to let that go." (How did she know? Strangely after hearing this, I have been able to move past the student debt burden easier)She also knew about other family members and some of the things they had been through. One of the last things she said was, "Your grandpa has a green journal he has been writing in and there is something important in it that needs to be shared". When Lauren came home from work that day we were all amazed by this story, especially the green journal! And, as we have been asked a lot for information about the impromptu medium Lauren met that day, we do not know who she is.  Lauren did not get her contact information. She was from somewhere in Africa, visiting the US for the first time. She did not ask for money and actually paid my daughter for the massage. As I have discovered many times with my kids, they have a lot of friends from the other side of the fence(heaven) and they have experiences that remind me often that there is such a thing as God, angels and we are not alone...even in a Las Vegas casino.

Back to that green journal! We were all puzzled by this and did not know if it was Lauren's maternal or paternal grandfather who had been writing in a journal. I asked my mom and she is the one that mentioned: "your dad has been writing in a green journal for 30 years!" We couldn't wait to read it to find out what in the world was so important.  Much of the journal was filled with day to day activities and even weather reports. The journal reminded me of the letters my dad sent me in college. He always enclosed 20 dollars and that is what I lived off of when I was poor as a church mouse. He included a small note that started with a report on the weather and ended up telling me the events of the week in the metropolis of Burley, Idaho. Oh, how I wish I had kept those letters! As most teenagers do, though, I took the 20 bucks and threw the letters away.  So I read the journal and all the weather reports and newsy stuff  and wondered if the "impromptu medium" was like my dad and just liked facts, figures and kinda boring information. Then I came across a couple of pages about my nephew and his passing and my heart burst open.  I did not always get along with my dad and I did not understand some of his thinking or reasoning. After reading his experience with his grandson and my nephew, my heart softened towards my dad. Maybe these pages were important to me.In case they are important to someone else, I am sharing them with his permission.

Good Friday, April 13th, 1990

My grandson died today after a long battle with everything that was wrong. He had a cleft palate and could not swallow so had to be fed through a tube in his intestine. They determined he has cerebral palsy and while exercising his legs, broke one of them. He was only 2 pounds And? ounces when he was born at 25 weeks. His name is Braxton Todd Hale.

Angela's water broke so they rushed her to the university hospital by helicopter where she stayed for a week before he was born. I was asked to give him a blessing when I went to see him, but as I stood over him and watched his movements, so erratic while other babies slept, I could not give him a blessing. When Angela asked what I thought I said, "he's OK", and yet everything was wrong physically. There seemed to be an immediate spiritual bond that he and I seemed to know and feel. He is a spiritual giant come to the world for a specific purpose and when that purpose was accomplished he would be on his way to do other things needed of him.

When he was in the hospital in Twin Falls they called and said he would not make it and by the time we arrived he was better. I said he would not go gasping and struggling but just slip away. When he left he had just been examined by a doctor and seemed OK but just quit breathing. They tried normal resuscitation but he never took another breath and just slipped away.

When he had been in the hospital in Utah, they said he would not last long so to prepare for his death. SO I went to the lumber yard and bought some pine boards for his casket and I began to build. Before I started I went to the funeral home and looked at caskets and their sizes and construction. I built the casket down at Mackenzie's( auto-part store business). Frank(my dad)helped me cut some boards and when people saw the box I said I was building a toy box for my grandson. Pine warps easy so I had to use screws and fit each board carefully. I stained it inside and out cherry wood and used a satin finish on it. It had a glow to the wood. Brass hinges and hardware with corners. I then set it in the back to dry. They phoned and said he had passed away so I called the funeral home and said I had built a casket. Todd and Angela came by to see what I had while I was putting the brass latch on the front. They asked if I was going to upholster the inside. I said no that's why I stained the inside. However, a king-sized pillow fit just right and it looked like a home-made crib. The funeral home said they normally did not have pine boxes because they warped and did not seal well. I had hand-fitted the top, though, so it would seal well. They said uphill on the sand in Rupert cemetery it would last for years. Todd could pick it up by himself and carry it to the gravesite.

The graveside funeral was beautiful. The weather was sunny and springy with the hope of planting and a good harvest. So we planted with the knowledge of a wonderful seed that would grow into manhood in the millennium.