"Third Eye"
"If lizards PURRED he'd be making that sound right now!" I mentioned.
"For sure!" the guy in the faded hoody laughed."Sometimes I come in here just to see her. She is actually a female."
"Obviously I am new to reptilian ownership, " I explained. "I still can't tell the difference". He laughed again and told me they were addicting creatures.
Later, at home, I decided to try the patting the head trick with Jessie's lizard "Buddy" who I call Kevin Bacon---cuz I'm a child of the 80's.
"Mom, did you know when you pet a bearded dragon on the head like that you might be causing him pain?"
"But he is closing his eyes and looks like he is enjoying it!"
"Mom, that is a common mistake. I did some research and bearded dragons have a third eye on top of their head called the pineal gland. They use it to seek out heat sources and you are probably hurting him".
I trusted Jess and her facts. It was in first grade when Mr. Zingle ,her teacher, revealed to me how much Jess loved facts! She loved learning about different cacti species and the tour to Hoover Dam had her mesmerized. For weeks she recounted facts about desert plants and hydroelectricity produced by the dam.
I looked up the interesting "third eye" found on some lizards heads and determined I did not want to mess with any creatures intuitive sight.
I thought, not for the first time, how glad I was we had picked up some new creatures to love during a particularly stressful year.
"No one has had a good time during COVID, " I thought to myself. I especially felt bad for children and teenagers who were stuck at home away from their friends. The lizard bodies were scaly yet lovable surrogate friends and they had been good therapy for our girls.
Ironicaĺly, the gland I had not thought about since anatomy class over 30 years ago came back into my radar when a repeat MRI to look at the "white spots" on Syd's brain revealed no new "white spots" ,but a small pineal mass. As far as I could tell in research, most humans do just fine with a small pineal cyst. UNLESS someone has new onset headaches, sleep problems etc. I thought for sure Syd's new onset of seizures in the past couple of years would qualify as a reason to research the cyst more.However, her neurologist did not concur. I even asked him if Syd should be on a blood thinner because her brain "white spots" now looked like they could have been caused from a small stroke and a blood thinner might help prevent new white spots. He did not think that was a feasible idea either. I decided not to argue ,but perhaps seek a second opinion since we would be switching insurances soon anyway. In the meantime I thought, "I wish Syd were a bearded dragon! Then her pineal gland would be readily accessible on top of her head! We could just snip that little extra tissue right off!" I reached over and patted her head on the way home from the neurologist. "At least me patting her head doesn't hurt her like it does a lizard though!" It was so strange to think that the pineal gland is also referred to as the third eye. And in some alternative circles, the opening of the third eye or activation of the pineal gland brings greater "insight", pun intended. I couldn't imagine that a cyst would do anything on the pineal gland but cause problems.
A few weeks later, I found myself in a position where I was really sick myself. It was not COVID, but some nasty bug that turned into bronchitis. But since, COVID seems to be the only disease worthy of treatment right now, it took me two Urgent Care visits to get antibiotics and steroids. Everything was such an effort. On my worst day, I actually had a coughing fit SO bad I peed my scrubs down to my ankles! "So much for my bladder sling, I thought". I immediately left the nurse training center where I had been participating in "nurse orientation" and cried in my car. Two thoughts emerged as I hid my soiled body from purviewing eyes. First," Is this what Syd feels like when she has a seizure and accidentally wets her pants at work? This is really uncomfortable! How can that stupid judge keep denying her disability request? Maybe I should ask him to wear a DEPENDS diaper to work and purposely soil ! Just so he gets a REAL idea about this whole business. He would also have to get headaches and post-dictal brain fog, to get the real experience. It might be hard, though, if what I have heard rumored about judges robes is true- the no underwear theory," I giggled to myself picturing a judge with pee-pee wet robes just like I was experiencing pee-pee wet scrubs. I had just received a letter the day before extending the already seven year court battle to yet another ZOOM video court hearing for Syd. (I AM NOT A CAT virtual court hearings had become the norm in our post-covid world with the frequency and the ease of such things padding the wallets of an already corrupt penal court system).This time the judge wanted expert testimony from vocational rehab. Fighting insurance companies, judges, really the whole freakin' world when it comes to getting care for my kids has given me my own special PTSD syndrome. Whenever an issue arises in any of these realms, my pulse quickens, I cannot breathe and my skin begins to crawl. They call it a panic attack, but I like to call it, " ALLERGY- anaphylaxis to stupid bureaucrats caring more about money than people". And I am afraid it is an allergy I will carry all my living days. My second thought was, "What if I get so sick myself I can no longer care for myself AND my kids?" Somehow this led me down an even darker road of thinking as I started thinking about CRISPR DNA techniques that might extend my life into eternal realms and ability to work. I prayed for some rational thought as I sat fragrancing my already malodorous car. A calm came over me and the spirit of God whispered, "Syd is so brave! What would she do and what does she do when this happens to her at work?". I thought of Syd packing extra clothes and pads when she does go to work. I thought of her tenacity and sure grit. There was only one thing for me to do! Since I lived over 30 minutes from my house, I headed to Walmart. I bought a new pair of underwear, scrubs and pads. I then headed back to class. I was suddenly so grateful for all of my kids. For their examples! For shouldering on and working, going to school while dealing with health issues and many heavy burdens. Autism, ADD, Tourette's and endocrine issues. They are my heroes!
Syd shared the following on FB just last week:
"Dani tagged me to share a post about faith.Faith is something that's important to have in life.I have had trials in my life where I had to have huge amount faith that things would get better .I pray and turn our loving heavenly father that's here to guide us and to comfort. I know he knows each one of us individually .I know going to church has helped me with my faith reading the book of mormon helps also .I got sick recently I was wondering if I was going to get better I prayed that I would start feeling better that helped me a lot.Part of having faith is believing things will get better. God put trials in our lives for a reason to help us grow and learn.What has helped me with my faith is the simple things like praying,scripture studying,listening to spiritual music and going to church .I know that Prophet Russell M.Nelson is a true prophet and is here to guide us.I hope you all will have a good day."
After reading this and reflecting on the many, many blessings our family have received, I no longer feel like I needed the judge to "pee" his pants, and experience what we go through CUZ we are going to be OK. If I do just the simple things Syd recommends: reading the word of God, studying, music and church maybe I won't even need my "third" eye or pineal gland activated. It can rest deep in my cranium while I rely on the judgement of God. And maybe I will rely on His all-knowing "eye"while I am at it. Because maybe his view, his sight is all any of us really need.
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