JESSIE'S VEGAS

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Syd is home and all the kids are together again. It is good to hear laughter, and even fighting again over brushes and backpacks and peanut butter sandwiches. I don't know why I waited so long for Syd to get help. I guess I just didn't want another kid on medication. I thought if I just tried hard enough, home-schooled her, loved her enough, hugged her enough, I could somehow change the wiring in her brain and "beat" this autism thing. A lady from our church said her son who has Asperger's said he felt like he was coming out of a "gray cloud" when he went on risperadone. sydney told me today..."Thanks, mom. I feel like I have left a black box and I can talk now!!!" I was reading in Isaiah this morning chapter 54. I loved how God says he will take care of us and that "Great will be the peace of our children". It gave me comfort....

Crazy week last week. And I am not using the term loosely. Burned a hole in the road between here and the psych hospital. I posted on Face book and then deleted later "Autism doesn't suck rocks..it suck boulders!!! and then the boulders crash though homes and kidz lives. It leaves families flat on the sidewalks saying "What the heck just hit me???" I deleted the post later... Mostly because in the 6 years that our family has been dealing with the fallout of autism we have met some really NICE people and some really NOT NICE people. some have even recommended "demon removal" for our children. Or perhaps they had been abused at some point by are quirky, yet happy, go-lucky family. Last night I made a decision that I don't give a crap anymore. I have done nothing wrong, except perhaps love my children too much. Not sleep when they are in the hospital. Barely breathe when they are hurting and eat a little too much chocolate while they are away from me.